Cover Up Your Naked Bottles With Bottle Panties

There was a time in Japan when you could buy a pair of used panties from a vending machine if you sniffed around hard enough, but they eventually disappeared once the authorities started clamping down on them.

Today you can still buy “used” panties from the basement of M’s lifestyle store in Akihabara and a few other places including Nakano Broadway, but they’re really just new ones slathered with a yellowish stain at the crotch to make it look like it’s been worn by a junior high school girl, pregnant woman, or – I am totally not making this up – menstruating lady.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Japan loves panties. Maybe not so much the used ones, but panties are somewhat of a national obsession here. They’re made into in blockbuster movies, discussed on variety shows, exploited in anime and flashed at the top of escalators every day.

And if you need any more proof, you won’t have to look further than celebrated capsule toy maker Kitan Club’s newest creation: Bottle panties.

Yup, panties. For your soda bottle. Why? Because panties make everything better, that’s why. And they’re a huge hit, judging by the near empty capsule toy machines I see everywhere. Far from being a niche item for perverts, I see grandmas, salarymen, high school couples and even preschool kids buying them, and I have to admit, I think they’re pretty cute too.

The series comes in a set of 6 – classic white, stripes, polka dots, strawberries, lace and leopard print – plus a secret design (a thong). They fit nicely over the bottom of a 500ml bottle, and besides covering up your Mountain Dew’s naughty bulges, they also serve a more practical purpose – soaking up the beads of moisture that collect on the bottles in the hot, humid summer weather.